When you go to Malaysia and ask for a hot dog, what do you think it means?
- a cheap sausage in a bun
- a sexy poodle
- a dog languishing in a hot tub
Apparently it’s not clear nowadays, as words that used to be understood are losing their meaning, forcing Malaysian Islamic Development Department (aka Jakim) to tighten up dictionary definitions.
Just ask Auntie Anne. The pretzel chain was recently denied their halal certification – for calling their non-pork product a “pretzel dog”. Apparently the word “dog” is so closely tied to the animal, even if everyone understands you mean a sausage wrapped in bread, it’s still “inappropriate”.
Never apart.
Similar pressure also led to the word “beer” being dropped from A&W’s signature beverage. Walk into an A&W restaurant, and you’ll be served RB instead (a mysterious combination of letters with no obvious meaning) while the root beer on shelves has vanished and reappeared as Sarsaparilla. A rose by any other name is just dumb – thank you very much.
Muslims in Malaysia were suitably insulted.
Others were quick to point out the incredible fallout from pursuing this literal policy on reality.
Why the crackdown on words? Apparently, Malaysia had a reputation to uphold, one that countries like Saudi Arabia and UAE had neglected by still calling hot dogs hot dogs, and root beer root beer.
According to Jakim’s Halal Division director, Sirajuddin Suhaimee: “Malaysia’s good name as a pioneering ‘halal global’ figure needs to be improved. To avoid this issue at the global stage, the panel has decided not to use such a name.”
High profile individuals from opposite ends of politics both saw the absurdity:
“Oh we poor easily confused Muslims,” lamented Marina Mahathir, daughter of the former Prime Minister, “who have never heard of hot dogs before … will have no choice but to buy one if one was on the menu.”
“This is ridiculous. This is done by people who are ignoramuses. They are not living in the real world,” assented Malaysia’s Tourism and Culture Minister Nazri Aziz.
“Going by these definitions,” observed columnist Sakinah Noor, “it was therefore an oxymoron to have any such dish that claimed to be ‘beef bacon’ or ‘turkey ham’ unless the two actually mated in some open field unsupervised and produced a freak of nature.”
*facepalm in perpetuity*
